Update

Hello all,  I haven't posted in a while I have been busy.  I still don't have a full time job but I have been doing odd jobs like cutting grass, picking up dog poop, cleaning out houses.  I am NOT givng up although I will admit I was getting a little lazy as far as keeping up with recovery reading, exercising and I wasn't attending as many meetings as I had been.  A very dear person to me pointed it out to me that now that I have over a month of clean time under the belt I need to be extra careful.  She is absolutely right.  God always  sends you a message on what you need to be doing when you need to hear it.  Other than that I haven't not much else to write about.
Later for now,
Steve

First Token

I got my first 30 day token today!!!!   It felt awesome.  I never thought having an actual quit date and getting a token would mean anything to me but it does.   It is the end of the first 30 days and the beginning of the rest of my life.  I give the credit to the Grace of God, the Fellowship and my hard work; in that order.   I will dedicate the rest of my life paying it forward.   I am one of the blessed ones who found his way.  I am not perfect, not even close, nor will I ever be and I am OK with that now.  That is what serenity is to me.  That is the gift I have been given.
Thank you God
Thank you God
Thank you God
Sincerely,
Steve

Opening Day

Tigers won the season opener wooohooo!! 
I mentioned before that I am working on my 4th step.  It is done and I am going to formally go over it with my sponsor next week.  I would have liked to do it on April 13th at my home group in Fraser but I will be at set strike for Streetcar Named Desire that night. It is a huge set and I think it is going to be a long night.  April 13th is special for me because it will be my first 30 days of continuos sobriety!!!  I have seriously not had that many days in a row since 2006!!   My home group meeting place is symbolic as well for behind that school building is where my friend and I took our first drink together.   It was a pint of Jack Daniels and it made me very, very sick and I never touched that stuff again, but it started my love affair with getting blotto.
A note about working the steps.  Some believe you should do it really, really slow.  I have heard of working just one a year!  I personally believe it should be done as quickly as possible.  The way I  and my sponsor figure it, if you found out you had a serious fatal disease, which addiction is, you would want to start treatment right away correct?   That was how the original AA group did it too and they had a 70% success rate!   There what is calledare Back to Basics groups that go throught the steps over the course of 4 weeks. You know when you are ready, you just feel it.  I do suggest having a sponsor guide you through it though, it can be overwhelming when your head is just clearing up. 
I have also been sending out resumes, filling out applications and making phone calls to get a jobby job.  In the meantime, I am going to be cutting lawns, working for a gardener and working with my buddys wife's cleaning business.  It so good to feel useful again.!!  Thats all for now.  Have a good one!!

4th Step part 3

Happy Easter everyone!!! Regardless of your religious beliefs this is a special time of year of rebirth and life.  The trees are budding, lilies are blooming and insects are coming back to life and migrating birds are back.  The Easter egg and the bunny were borrowed from paganism, they symbolize fertility and life.  Passover falls this time of year, this year it fell during Easter week.
I have been slack with posts, it was a busy week.  Not that I am complaining, most of the time I have more free time than I know what to do with. I found quite a bit of day work and I having been working on "Streetcar Named Desire" at the Baldwin theatre.  
  I did however complete my 4th step.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I guess I can add procrastination to my list of character defects!  LOL  I pretty much knew what it boiled down to: fear and dishonesty.  Fear of being not liked and rejected and not living in congruence with what I know is right and wrong has been at the bottom of all my wrong decisions and instances where I hurt other people and myself.  It is what I believe to be the catalyst of my addictions.  Of course my 4th step list is more complex but I only have to show it to one other human being in the 5th step to make it complete.  I am going to share it with one of my pastors or my therapist.  I know I have been very transparent about everything on this journey but to air ALL my dirty laundry in public could lead me to getting deported!!!
Seriously though it felt great to get all the crap off my chest and see it in black and white.   Don't get me wrong  I am not just forgetting everything and acting as if I have never done all the things I hurt my loved ones with.  My 4th step is all about releasing the power the past has over me so I can be free to change.  A little farther down the line I will start doing my direct amends to those I have hurt.
Coincidently ther are some in the 12 Step community who don't think anyone that doesn't have at least a year sobriety can possibly do a 4th step.   The original AA members did steps 1 - 4 as quickly as possible.  The way I figure it why wouldn't you want to do the work as quickly as possible.  If you found out you were really sick yuo would want to start treatment as soon as possible right?  I do understand to jump into such soul searching might lead you back to using if you are totally NOT ready.  My sponsor felt I was ready and in my heart I knew I was ready.
I will say it again, it feels great!!!
By the way I have passed the 40 night mark!!
Have a blessed day!!