4th Step part 3

Happy Easter everyone!!! Regardless of your religious beliefs this is a special time of year of rebirth and life.  The trees are budding, lilies are blooming and insects are coming back to life and migrating birds are back.  The Easter egg and the bunny were borrowed from paganism, they symbolize fertility and life.  Passover falls this time of year, this year it fell during Easter week.
I have been slack with posts, it was a busy week.  Not that I am complaining, most of the time I have more free time than I know what to do with. I found quite a bit of day work and I having been working on "Streetcar Named Desire" at the Baldwin theatre.  
  I did however complete my 4th step.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  I guess I can add procrastination to my list of character defects!  LOL  I pretty much knew what it boiled down to: fear and dishonesty.  Fear of being not liked and rejected and not living in congruence with what I know is right and wrong has been at the bottom of all my wrong decisions and instances where I hurt other people and myself.  It is what I believe to be the catalyst of my addictions.  Of course my 4th step list is more complex but I only have to show it to one other human being in the 5th step to make it complete.  I am going to share it with one of my pastors or my therapist.  I know I have been very transparent about everything on this journey but to air ALL my dirty laundry in public could lead me to getting deported!!!
Seriously though it felt great to get all the crap off my chest and see it in black and white.   Don't get me wrong  I am not just forgetting everything and acting as if I have never done all the things I hurt my loved ones with.  My 4th step is all about releasing the power the past has over me so I can be free to change.  A little farther down the line I will start doing my direct amends to those I have hurt.
Coincidently ther are some in the 12 Step community who don't think anyone that doesn't have at least a year sobriety can possibly do a 4th step.   The original AA members did steps 1 - 4 as quickly as possible.  The way I figure it why wouldn't you want to do the work as quickly as possible.  If you found out you were really sick yuo would want to start treatment as soon as possible right?  I do understand to jump into such soul searching might lead you back to using if you are totally NOT ready.  My sponsor felt I was ready and in my heart I knew I was ready.
I will say it again, it feels great!!!
By the way I have passed the 40 night mark!!
Have a blessed day!!