What a Weekend

I am back after a tumultuous weekend. I went from despairing lows to the serene high of goodtimes and healthy relationships in the space of 72 hours.  I binged from Thursday right on until the wee hours of Friday morning.  In fact I didn't even get out of bed until Friday night.  When I fall, I fall hard.  The only thing that got me going was the Grace of God and a well timed phone call from a friend on Friday night.  You will never know what your 3 minutes of talking to me did.  I got down and my knees and prayed.   I got my self to a meeting on Saturday and did everything I could to not isolate.   I went to a birthday party and had a great trime without drinking.  I laughed harder than I have in a while.   I am going to come to peace with this obsession to poison myself.  My new tact is: I AM going to relapse.  This will always happen.  I need to live this truth and accept it totally.   I am going to get a sponsor tonight.  If I do not change how I live  I am going be writing a blog like this for the rest of my life. Always talking about how I "slipped" and used or drank.  The blog will end when I am in jail or dead.  That is the truth.  That is a is only a possible future though.  The other is that I get whole and healthy and then in accordance with the 12th step help those who are lost like I was and then we step into the future together.
One more thing.  This is an open letter that popped into my mind when I found out that a bridge that is behind me  has totally burned down.

This is an open letter to all the people, PLACES and things that I no longer need in my life.  I grieved you.  You left a hole in my heart and it is only in retrospect that I realize that hole was left in order that better and healthier things may enter my life.  I will look back at you only to remind myself how toxic and poisonous you were for me.  So I release and let you go.  I wish you peace and whatever happiness is afforded to you.  Farewell and goodbye.
Steve

Unitl next time.
Later Tater