Just got done watching Celebrity Rehab. If you have never watched it, it is a great show. When the first season aired I was so dissapointed in Dr. Drew, whom I have admired ever since I first heard him on "Love Lines" with Adam Corrola almost 20 years ago., I thought he was just going to show celebrity trainwrecks for the amusement of the public. I have since changed my mind. The show illustates that addiction knows no one identity. It has no age, ethnicity, social status, or occupation. The Heath Ledgers or the Michael Jackons of the world have the same disease of the mind as myself or the homeless man behind the 7-Eleven Addiction will take everything from you. It will take your job, your self respect, the trust of people you love and finally your life. People we idolize as having the "life" we want are no diffrent or more or less invunerable than any of us are.
I got a temporary sponsor last night. I must say it scares the shit out of me. I have reached out and asked for someones's help and that is not something I have ever been comfortable doing. I feel even more naked and transparent than even the first syllable that I wrote on this blog did. It is real now. This is it. Shit or get off the pot. Anyway, my sponsor told me to read pages 1-164 in the Big Book. The Big Book or Blue Book is the Bible of AA if you don't know. I am going to meet him and his 2 other sponsees at a meeting New Baltimore tonight. Wish me luck.
At a meeting this morning, a guy I have never seen around before told the table he had bought a shotgun an a pint of vodka on Sunday. You could have heard a cricket fart it got so quiet. He told us how he awoke from a blackout at his brothers house with a hole in the ceiling. He was walking out the door and one of the old timers stopped him and walked him back in. I am assuming he was going to hook him up with a sponspor or a list of phone numbers at least. I am glad that old timer was there to do it. This sounds selfish but I am ashamed of myself that I didn't do anything myself. I have the intention that I will never, ever think I don't have the authority or the "right" amount of clean time to reach out to a fellow human being again. I thank God that the old timer did, I have no doubt that man's life was saved today.
It has been a awesome day so far I and bid you all a good night.
Later Tater
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Steve -
ReplyDeleteI cannot even begin to tell you how, for lack of a better word, impressed I am with your commitment to healing yourself. Baring your soul as you have takes an amount of courage I could only hope to have an nth of.
Each and EVERY one of us who has been following along on your very difficult, yet enlightening, journey is learning something. Each of our lessons will be different, but they will be lessons. You can take ownership of the fact that you are, indeed, reaching out to those who need a little helping hand. It may not be a physical hand that you are extending, but it is a hand nonetheless.
We are all on this earth to serve some sort of purpose. I believe in this endeavor of yours your purpose on this rock will begin to reveal itself to you and you will be able to grow and gain a real sense of belonging and a true knowledge that you do belong here and you do have MUCH to contribute to the world.
As I have said before, I have ears, they listen rather well. I am certain there would be much gained on both of our parts.