One Day at a Time.

Just checking in here.  I almost didn't call my sponsor yesterday.  It is my twisted thinking kicking in:  not accepting help from anyone,thinking I can do it all by myself and thinking the universe revolves around Steve and what he is feeling.  I told my sponsor that and he laughed and said he remembers being the same way back in the day.  He also said he needs me as a sponsee more than I need him as a sponsor.  After 24 years of sobriety it is much easier for him to rationalize going out again and he has a hell of a lot more to lose.  When you relapse you go back to square one.  I cannot imagine the dissapointment and frustrartion it must cause to lose all those years and have to start all over. People with longtime sobriety need to give it away to newbies to stay fresh in the program.  It is a symbiotic relationship.  More and more it is dawning on me that this is not a fix or a cure.  This a total lifestyle change.  I am trying very hard to let go.  I don't know why I am resisting so much.  It seems so simple just DON'T pick-up and all the other steps will come naturally.  Can you imagine if tomorrow doctors announced that the cure for cancer was not drinking beer.  How many people wish it were that easy.  I want to just do it and get on with my life.
I started the 4T Prosperity course at Renaissance Unity last night.  Again I say if you are looking for some spiritual direction in your life do your self a favor and check out RU.  The 12 week course is based on the AA 12 steps and involves tithing.  I am not excited about tithing 10% of my paltry earnings at this stage of my life, but realistically looking at it I spent way more than that  every week on drink and drugs and all that goes with it.
I am going to take the leap of faith.  I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So tonight yoga then an 8:30 meeting and then sleep.  I'll come up swinging again tomorrow.
Later Tater